Opus Optimae

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goddamn you movie star

.. practicing for the 18th.

for some reason the word practicing looks wrong. it has been far too long since i have written (the post below is from a few days after the end of school). it has been so long that the www.myblog.de website has been pushed out of the list of addresses on my address bar. you know, the list you get when you click the little arrow..

it is not for lack of things to talk about. i always think, and i always want to share those thoughts, under the delusion and the dull hope that one day, one of them will shake the world.

if i were feeling cynical, i would say it was for lack of things to procrastinate. i am not feeling cynical.

it is for lack of certainty. i am used to adaptation, but right now i have no environment. i am hanging in limbo, ready to give up this place but not ready to move on.. i am waiting. worse yet, i do not know what i am waiting for, since i have no idea what to expect.

this is screaming,

26.7.06 06:37

we have it all wrong

i was cleaning my room for college, which means that i was not just cleaning but also throwing away a lot of things that i have been hoarding over the years. people on tv always say that hoarders have an empty hole that they try to fill with material things. i disagree. i just have a lot of good intentions that never do anything but collect dust, and i am getting rid of them.

i found my "7 habits of effective people" book that my parents got me for christmas once. i don't know what they were thinking. i guess they just figured that i would enjoy it. i hate self-help books, but still, i had to open it to justify throwing it away.

he has a point. we have always been told that the world does not revolve around us, that maturity means paying attention to others and thinking of them first and ourselves second. the idea is that when we think only of others, we see only their needs and not our own. the problem is that when we think only of others, we see only their flaws and not our own.

independence is more mature than dependence. if we think only of others, we are dependent on them. if we think only of ourselves, we at least have the maturity to take responsibility for our own actions, even if those actions are self-centered.

the idea of responsibility is a scary one, but even more scary, it is an avoidable one. perhaps it is not easily avoidable, but people live their lives avoiding direct responsibility for their actions, making up excuses, and blaming other things or people.

stop. the world revolves around you. you are your own maker.

be mature.

19.6.06 17:59

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